Sunday, November 22, 2009

Does The Thought Count Any More?

In this post I would like to share with you a much debated issue, which has been an ongoing
source of tension for my husband and me. It occurs with every birthday and anniversary, as well as on Valentines Day, Father's Day, & most of all at Christmas. It goes something like this....
when these occasions approach, as any loving wife would do, I try for weeks before-hand to figure out just the right gift to show my husband that he is loved. Actually, I usually give several smaller ones as opposed to just one. Perhaps this is due to the fact that in my own childhood presents were often scarce, due to financial hardships. So I like to shower my loved ones with presents on special occasions. But over the years it has gotten increasingly difficult to give anything to my husband.
He pretty much has just about everything ,"materially" speaking, that he wants, except maybe a 70 ft. Trawler boat. And so he just tosses things aside after opening them, usually. Doesn't even pretend to be excited or surprised or even interested in whatever the gift may be. Oh sure...he smiles and says thank you, but 9 times out of ten the gift goes unopened, unused and evidently unappreciated. He even told me last year that he would rather I only give things which have some "special" emotional meaning behind them, like a collage of pictures of our kids, or a picture I have painted, or a CD with his favorite music..... you get the idea. And YES I know that it is better to give something from the heart with personal time invested to create it. But it is also much MUCH harder to do than to purchase some bobble or trinket from a shop somewhere.
And this is where we have a problem.
My hubby has a double standard. He LOVES to give....not so much- to receive! He has spoiled me over the years with wonderful gifts....all bought in stores, of course. Clothes, jewelry, gadgets, my favorite fluffy socks & pj's, and even a new car(3 times). And B_E_L_I_E_V_E me.....I love being a good way!
My problem is compounded too by the fact that his birthday....falls just 2 weeks before Christmas! Last year, after he had tossed aside his birthday presents without bothering to take them out of the store packages. My feelings were hurt for the umpteenth time and I was actually considering just giving him a letter for Christmas that year. I spent hours awake at night thinking about the letter's contents, and of course seething more and more with each composed word. The letter explained how I felt that while it is a great thing to be blessed with a giving nature, It is actually...I feel...just as important, maybe even more so, to be able to receive. Otherwise, how can we truly RECEIVE our heavenly Father's love if we are not able to do so with others?
What did he think of this heartfelt present? You may wonder.
Well....of course.....his loving wife never gave it to him. And...Yes....I am taking a good gamble that he won't read this post! If he does....what can I say....LOVE YOU HUBBY!! :)
Every generous act and every perfect gift is from above,
coming down from the Father of lights;
with Him there is no variation or shadow cast by turning.
JAMES 1: 17


  1. Men! What ever are you women going to do about us? Sounds like you have a pretty generous husband mom. I hate shopping and usually I'm so tight on cash that I don't spend much on gifts. Instead we take trips. Besides we've both got so much stuff and so many clothes that we are trying to get rid of stuff moreso than accumulate any more.
    And your husband read your blog? I guess I'm not surprised. My wife read two of my posts when I forced her to, but I'm pretty sure she doesn't look on her own. I guess she hears enough from me and doesn't care to hear from me on some blog.

  2. For the man who has everything.....I would give him a letter of love. Just mention those special things that happened during the year and tell him just how much it meant to you to have him by your side, and how much it means to you to have him love simple ...and yet sometimes we forget to take the time to say the words. x